Long over due

I know I'm long overdue of a post. So, sorry but I'm honestly tired of talking about cancer. My best friend, while on our Myrtle Beach, shared some of her favorite Apps. One being timehop! Love the App!!!! It shows what you have posted on the exact day each year on Facebook. I was funny... Back then. Now, not so much. I want to be light hearted and funny again in my posts. To catch up on what has happened since my last post. I went to my world renown Breast cancer specialist at UNC and she recommended taking me off my bone treatment, since my last CT scan showed my bones are strong.  The purpose of the bone treatment is to fill the divets the cancer tumors have carved into my bones. Believe it or not this bone treatment in the beginning use to hurt my bones, which left me flabbergasted because it's suppose to help my bones. Well I am happy to report that I'm off of it now. :) this also will lessen my treatment time every 3 weeks . Also, what came out of my quarterly specialist checkup is that I was put into a trial. This trial takes my biopsies and tests them against genetic mutations and for future chemo treatments. This was music to my dad's eaRs as he was there for this appt and has been the pressure on my doctors for any trial to put me in, thinking my age would make me a prime candidate. I was very excited and left feeling good about this trial. My prayers now are to not have any genetic mutations as to not pass this on to my daughter. Also, that they will have enough tissue to be able to conduct  all the tests. And ... That lots of chemo cocktails will be found to kill my cancer!!!! Well I don't know if you heard but I sell $5 dollar jewelry ! ;) I decided to do this to make extra money to pay my medical expenses and to do something positive with my life. Past weekends the girls are off playing sports and I stay with Madison because it's just too much for a 6 year old traveling and then watching for hours. This way she can help me with jewelry parties and I can leave the house, meet people  and stop stressing (OCD ) over cleaning the house. I have met so many women and my friends, sorority sisters and family have been so supportive. From this I have paid off my quarterly CT scan, paid my specialist Copay and have joined a monthly luncheon Breast cancer support group. Thank you to my parents, spouse, family and friends for not pushing me to go to a support group. It is definetly not for everybody and sometimes it is just too much to take on everyone's burdens and troubles. Just being honest this is the way I feel. I went to this luncheon and it's very hard for me to "introduce" myself or tell my story. No I don't want to tell everyone I'm stage 4. One, i feel No one believes me because I look so good ;) two, it brings the mood down and three, what do you say to someone after they say its my second time having breast cancer and now I'm stage 4. Also I always get the response, "but, you're so young!" Yea, no kidding??!!! This becomes my main focus when I have bad days... This whole thing is a joke. Going back to my previous posts my response is still the same , " this is crazy?" One thing that has definetly changed, other than the obvious, is my ability to pick myself back up. Before I would pride myself in venting for 1 0 minutes and getting over why I was mad to begin with or seeing the other persons view and just rolling with it. Now, I get stuck on my sorrows and give it it's own pity party . It has been ugly, even though it is not often, I make up for it. :) having cancer makes you very humble and somewhat of an open book. People start asking when you miss work often, look drained. I use to be very closed off when it comes to personal matters unless my daughter is acting crazy or someone sympathizes with me when it comes to marriage. Very hard to stay private when it comes to cancer not that I mind because people care but you definetly have no privacy , you endure treatment in the  company of others.