I know it has been awhile since I posted but I have been keeping myself busy while awaiting to have surgery. Also it could have something to do with my husband discouraging me because he said I had grammatical errors in my blogs. :) He really did say that but if I actually proofread and edited there would be no blog. This is why it has taken me so long to get a blog up and running in the first place is that I over think and I would just delete the whole thing. Anyways...
I went to visit radiation two weeks ago so I could ask questions and be well informed in case I did have to go through radiation after my surgery. I chose not to have a lumpectomy because I did not want to submit myself to 6 weeks for 15 minutes each day undergoing radiation. However, it is still a possibility I will have to do it anyways if they find that my cancer is aggressive or has spread after the final biopsy from surgery. Every time I go to a dr. I learn something new and more about my cancer. This dr. said that he believes it is a tumor. Ok well that is new that they actually define it as a "tumor." And so I wait even more eager to have surgery.
On a positive note my BRAC 1 and 2 test was negative! Meaning that I am not predisposition to have breast cancer based on my genes. Which is even a greater result for Madison. On the other hand this makes me having cancer that much stranger but who am I to question why? In all honesty I am being serious I never questioned why this has happened to me. I question more about what is next? Where do I go from here? I am counting down the days til I have surgery like kids count down to Christmas. Me being a control freak I hate waiting around especially when there is a problem. I am waiting on a day to fix it and take back what control I had. I just want to know if the cancer has spread? what stage is the cancer? is it aggressive? how aggressive? These are the questions that over take my mind when left to wander which is why I have tried to surround myself with positive things such as decorating my house for fall, organizing my bills/mail, cleaning out the girls rooms and having a yard sale. All time consuming things that I have been wanting to do. Who am I kidding I have wanted to decorate for fall ever since Summer came. :) But I couldnt bare the thought of someone else doing it for me. Although I know that my best friend, Rachel, would have done it no questions asked and a wonderful job too. I just look forward to it every year and wanted something pretty to look at for two weeks while I recover!
I continue to try to find the positive in my diagnosis and in doing so I won't allow it to take my life. I inherited a book from a breast cancer survivor and my wonderful aunt called a spiritual journey through breast cancer. In the book the author talks about how she was tired of people only talking to her about cancer. Out of everything in this book that really hit home that no matter how long I might have to endure this I don't want that to be the only thing my life, conversations are about. Someone wise (my dad) said that soon this will all be a memory. I like to think of it just like that a glimpse of who I am. :)
The week ended with a yard sale hosted by my best friend and her husband. She baked 5 rainbow cakes and advertised all last week. We brought in close to $400 dollars to put towards my surgery! Thank you to everyone who donated items! I truly can not thank her enough and everyone else for their generosity. I have learned so much about insurance and more than I have wanted to. I am thankful to have insurance and wonderful family and friends to help me get through this time. It also makes me think of those people that are not financially stable nor have supporting people to help them go through this difficult time. I really want to give back in some way by being a volunteer with the American Cancer Society. Also the Breast Cancer walk in Virginia Beach is on my birthday. How crazy is that? Definitely the best birthday present I could ever give myself and I ask that all my friends and family walk with me on October 15!
Great post my friend! If there was a grammatical error I didn't see it : ) Then again, anything I write is full of them. Really though, this was great. Have fun decorating for fall! Praying for you as always : ) Miss ya!
ReplyDeleteperfectly written, please keep us informed. As always, you are in my prayers daily. :)
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