"Will the real slim shady please stand up..."

Ok I know, I know weird blog title right? :) Well, this is what goes through my head every Sunday after communion at church when our preacher asks anyone who needs prayer or who wants to know Jesus come to the front. This helps me to not break down and cry. I have been extremely reluctant to go to the front of church. Each Sunday I say to myself "today I'll go." Not that I don't need prayer or believe in the power of prayer. I just do not like drawing attention to myself and this whole "situation" I have struggled with just that. I always believe that people have it a lot worse than I do and are struggling with a lot more and I am lucky. So therefore I should not whine or complain. I help people, I am a social worker, I listen to people and help them during their time of need. Not the other way around. Going up front to church scares me because I know as soon as I get up there I will just start crying and not stop. What a better way to not draw attention to yourself than to cry uncontrollably? haha This has now become a running joke between me and Pete because now every time after communion Pete nudges me and gives me "the look" to ask if I want to go up. I just shake my head and smile sitting quietly in the pew. I asked him last week, are you going to give up. He said "no."

When I first found out the last thing on my mind other than to tell my parents was who to call. Actually what was going through my mind was how do I hold this all together and be strong for my family because I am a mom and wife and my family needs me. Just last week someone confronted Pete on his decision to post on Facebook about what is going on with me. It is funny that this person asked that as I was extremely reluctant and did not think it was a good idea. Until it became harder to control my emotions and when you are out for a week at work people notice. It took a lot to let my guard down and to ask people for help. I am continuing to struggle with this but I know people genuily care what is going on and want to help. You always know you are loved and have lots of family and friends but until you are sick you realize what being a family and friend actually entails and how much you are loved. I AM DEFINITELY LOVED! Unfortunately my friends and family show love with food! haha :) I think I am going to have to buy a deep freezer for all the food that is coming my way this week. People with cancer normally lose weight. I for one will probably gain but atleast I'll be happy. I will definitely not turn any food away.

Anyways back to what I was saying and what ultimately led me to broadcast my diagnosis was that I believe in the power of specific prayer and in mass updates! :) So thank you for reading my blog and Facebook statuses and sending words of encouragement. Like I said this has been a positive experience for me and a learning experience. Everytime I feel down, cry or worry the phone rings or I read a facebook message someone has sent or I pick up my book and there is a powerful quote. God is working through me in ways that I can't even imagine! Like today me and Pete went up front. I started to cry and my throat hurt then my preacher began to pray and a peace came over me. I am getting goose bumps just thinking about it. It was a very cool experience. It is truly amazing to see things in your life come full circle. I remember watching my preacher as a teenager at a youth conference during worship and now he is my preacher led to New Bern from VA. God has had things planned in my favor for a long time but that is a whole blog post in itself. Stay tuned...